October 1

Mentorship is one of the greatest needs in our disconnected society today. I remember working with the #1 service agreement salesman in all of Sears, and being forewarned that he would not teach me anything as he kept his knowledge secret (so he wouldn’t have his #1 position usurped). Thus, I never learned how to be a great service agreement salesman from this man because he refused to share his knowledge. Not only did I not benefit, but neither did anyone else in our store or company.

  • Titus 2:3-5 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Here Paul instructs Titus how to be a pastor, and in doing so he teaches Titus to instruct the older women in the church to teach the younger—to mentor them. Today, we allow culture (good and bad) to teach us. Just think about Tammy Wynette once singing “Stand By Your Man”:

Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman

Giving all your love to just one man.

You’ll have bad times

And he’ll have good times,

Doin’ things that you don’t understand

But if you love him you’ll forgive him,

Even though he’s hard to understand

And if you love him oh be proud of him,

‘Cause after all he’s just a man

Stand by your man,

Give him two arms to cling to,

And something warm to come to

When nights are cold and lonely

Stand by your man,

And show the world you love him

Keep giving all the love you can

Stand by your man

Stand by your man,

And show the world you love him

Keep giving all the love you can

Stand by your man

There’s some truth in there, and sadly this holds more truth than much of the psychobabble I’ve heard in Christian circles. But wouldn’t it be better if we were hearing God’s message rather than the world’s? Ladies, you can help train your daughters and the other women of the church how to be women, and how to be wives that honor God. You can teach the deeper things of the Word.

  • Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.
  • Deuteronomy 6:4-9 “Hear, O Israel! The LORD is our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Men, you are not exempt. You are the spiritual leaders of your families, and you must infuse Bible truth into their lives. You must demonstrate firmness coupled with love. Your kids are watching you, and your lack of love, lack of interest, and selfish ambitions will destroy your kids and severely hurt your wives. We must invest in them fully.

I’ve come to believe that the reason so many of us fail at being good spouses and good parents is because we were never trained by our own parents. We’ve been trained by everyone else but them. “Experts” have replaced parents. Dr. Ruth, Dr. Spock, and Drs. Gotmann & Gottman are who people used to (or still do) go to. And then we see T.V. shows portraying perfect Leave it to Beaver families, or the Brady’s solving their woes in 30 minutes. Last but not least, instead of investing in our own kids, we think there’s a put the responsibility for our children into the hands of the Youth Pastor. Then when little Suzie gets pregnant, or little Johnnie gets caught vandalizing a store, we blame the Youth Pastor for not doing his job.

Folks, we may or may not have had good training from our parents with regards to being a Christian adult, with regards to being a Christian spouse, and with regards to being a Christian parent. But, you and I need to change all that. We need to demonstrate to our kids how to be these things. We need to intentionally teach them. And, we need to look for opportunities within our church family to invest in others as well. This is what true discipleship looks like.

Today’s Suggested Marital Resource: “What Did You Expect? Redeeming The Realities Of Marriage” 10 session/3 DVD series from Paul David Tripp (the man with the best looking walrus mustache around!):https://www.paultripp.com/products/wdye-dvd?gclid=EAIaIQobChMI3baYjvf55AIVjNdkCh0Zcwb6EAAYASAAEgIE4_D_BwE

Dr. Tripp has some other great resources on raising kids and such (I have a couple of his books and I highly recommend them).

  1. Were you mentored by your parents and shown how to be an adult, a spouse, and even a parent? _________________________________
    1. If not, do you recognize deficiencies that could have been pre-emptively avoided had you not had to learn “the hard way”? __________________
    1. If you were mentored, how much more confident do you think you are since you were shown how to fulfil your adult roles? ______________________________________________________________________________________________________
  1. Now, thinking to the “bad” husbands and/or wives you’ve witnessed, how many of these do you think were the result of being raised by missing in action parents, or by bad example parents?
    1. Do you see the correlation between how you parent and how your own children will turn out? ________________________
    1. Do you realize that most of the gender confusion, homosexuality, insecurities, abusive behavior, and so forth are results of people having had poor if not bad parental examples? ______________
    1. If you have children, commit now to training your children to be godly, Bible-oriented, loving, selfless spouses/parents. It’s not an easy task, trust me, but it is so vital.
  1. Maybe you’re older in the church (i.e. an empty nester), and want a place to serve. Think about taking a younger person under your wing and mentoring that person, even if by simply hanging out and talking about your experiences, and how to be who God wants that person to be.
    1. Do you realize that this is really what discipleship is all about?
    1. While none of us our experts at doing things right, we are all experts at messing things up. So, while speaking truth to your mentee, you can feel free to provide anecdotes of what not to do as well.
  1. Lastly,  life is not perfect, and we can’t change the past. We all live with what we’ve been given, and we often live with regrets for what we have or have not done. Instead, live where you are now. You can move forward committed to not letting bad experiences, improper decisions, or not being mentored stop you from living differently, parenting differently, and being a different spouse than you were yesterday.
  • II. Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.